How to smoke a cigarette aggressively

• Before lighting and during smoking ensure that all gesticulations are emphasized sharply with said cigarette.
• Shake lighter violently and continue roll the flint a number of times before and after ignition.
• Always inhale twice in one puff letting out a dribble of smoke in between.
• Rip the cigarette sharply from your lips in a large exaggerated motion. Tilt your head to the sky and pout with your lower lip as you shoot the smoke upwards with an angry exhale.
• Now bite down hard pulling your lips away from your teeth as you suck in a fraction of fresh air before your next drag.

  

Unrequited

One person always loves more than the other.

Lovers harder, loves longer,

More longingly looking for equal reciprocation

That just isn’t there.

One person always steals that last extra kiss,

One more than was offered:

Head tipped, waiting to be met

While their opposite relaxes (edging slightly back).

One person’s grip is always tighter, always firmer

Making up for another’s casual nature.

One person has to say goodbye first,

hang up first, not look back first.

One person’s only is only for a time,

One person’s forever is always more forever than the other’s. 

This Cambridge

This place of couples kissing on bridges

And Kids rowing boats,

Of ducks waddle-flapping under trees  

That cry fresh water tears into a mirrored floor.

This place where the pushing of wicker is a common affair

And college scarves and emblemed hoods boast refinery and style.

This place of karma and character and calm where I come to be home:

This place is my place.

This place is my heart. 

Tower Bridge

Let me sit and watch the rippling Thames all day in the peace.

Let me drink my bitter comfort

And just feel sad, not need to smile.

Let the pigeon walk in circles around at my feet

And the tall bearded stranger click at the glass and the metal.

Drench me in chit chat and clip clack surround.

Cover me in birdsong callings,

Ringtones in flight.

Let the dredgers drudge the dark flowing tarmac,

Dislodging the calm.

Then let the calm drift backwards, down.

Serenity floating as the city strides along.

And now let me sink, deep in my thoughts

And play at this game without a worry of time.

Let the chill ache through my body

Stimulating, soothingly

A mind busy at rest;

The rest for my mind.

CARCINOS

CANCER is a word that no-one likes.

It’s sound is fear, hushed tones and wet eyes.

CANCER is a word that no-one wants to say

It’s name is helpless sorrow that flicks to the end of a book with doomed impatience.

CANCER  is a word that’s easily explained - never justified.

It comes to us premeditated, or random, and both.

A lifestyle lottery that decides its own fate.

Blind faith tested late and impending knowledge of the unknown.

CANCER is: a fact, a part

Of our world.

No tears; no anger; no sense of unfairness

Changes the truth that this word delivers.

CANCER is a word. We don’t like to use.

Say it quickly and it isn’t really real, really

CANCER.

Don’t repeat it I heard you the first time,

Understood the echo deafening my mind.

Because CANCER is a word that leads to something.

Hair loss, love lost, life lessons learned

Too often too soon to explain a world too hard to face alone.

CANCER is a word I don’t want to hear.

Not anymore.

Never again. 

Yes

(Inspired by extracts from the Greek novel Nai – author unknown)

Sleep sweeter than death,

Death more beautiful than the moon,

If I cannot die I must sleep - sweet suicide.

Don’t fight it, stop fighting. Be calm, be still.

 Clamp my arms to my sides, cross my legs to keep them from running.

Allow my wild heart to beat like crazy:

One two, one two, one two, one two.

Where is three?

Will I ever see three?

Does it come when I stop breathing?

One two, one two, one two, one two. Hold my breath:

[pause]

Three.

My lungs are burning and my face is cold.

Stop fighting, don’t fight it, don’t stop.

Look harder, deep in my heart.

Push longer, look deeper for something that’s not there.

Stop.

[pause]

One two, one two, one two, one two, one two, one two, one two, one two.

My heart beats still, a clock in my chest.

The bells are ringing, its three am.

The alarm: a fire, a burglar, the end of time.

Don’t stop, be calm, be slow. Be real.

One two, one, one two.

My hair, my toes, my teeth feel strange.

I weep, hot tears burning my frozen face.

Mascara runs down my cheek bones:

Green, blue, black shadow tumbles from my eyelids.

I am betrayed; my vanity smudged.

I am unique, so special I can never know.

My head is dizzy, my feet still.

Two one, one two one,

Lost count.  

Two. Sleep.

One. Death. Two.

Three eludes me.

A Kiss

C: Are you happy for me?

A: Why wouldn’t I be happy for you?

C: So you’re not.

A: I didn’t say that

C: So why don’t you answer me?

A: Yes. I’m happy for you.

C: I don’t believe you.

A: Then how do I win?

C: Actions speak louder than words

A kisses C – C pulls away.

A: Actions speak louder than words!

*****************************************************

B: Why are you laughing at me?

D: I’m not. I love you (kisses B)

B: Stop it.

D: stop what?

B: This. Stop patronising me.

D: I’m patronising you. Great. Thanks. You really know how to ruin a moment.

B: You’re the one who’s laughing

D: (shouting) I’m not laughing! For gods sake stop being so stupid.

*****************************************************

E: How much do you love me? What would you do for me?

G: Anything

E: like what?

G: I’d move the moon for you.

E: don’t be stupid.

G: I’m not. I’d move the moon and pluck a star from the sky......

E: Whatever?

G: Well what do you expect?

E: you to take me seriously for five minutes

G: If I say something romantic you’re pissed at me for being stupid. If I say something stupid you tell me to be serious. How can I win?

E: you’re not supposed to.

G: ok so I lose. That’s how much I love you.

E: ok.

G: I love you so much I’ll lose this dumb fight with you everyday for the rest of my life.

E: The rest of your life? (with a laugh) You wish.

G: I hope not. (kiss)

E: as if you could put up with it.

G: I’ll do more than put up with it. I’ll love it.

E: Me:

G: You. (kiss)

***************************************************** 

H brings F some flowers.

H: What did you do to deserve a boyfriend like me?

F: I just don’t know.

H: I do. (kiss) Thank you

F: what are you saying thank you for? You just got me these.

H: you let me.

F: well life is tough when I’m presented with beautiful flowers from a gorgeous man, but I’m coming to terms with it slowly.

H: I knew you’d cope. (kiss)

F: Will you bring me flowers when I’m old and wrinkly?

H: How wrinkly?

F: oi!! (Kiss) Really wrinkly.

H: Really, really wrinkly?

F nods.

H: Will you let me bring you flowers when I’m  really wrinkly?

F: Maybe.

H: So maybe I’ll bring them.

*****************************************************

C: You give me butterflies (kiss)

A: hmmmmm

C: Right here. (points to lower stomach)

A kneals down to kiss the area

A: only the most beautiful butterflies though.

C: (laugh) I can’t feel my fingers.

A: These fingers (holding her hands) They’re still here. I promise. Delicate and beautiful.

C: Stop it.

A: Stop what (stands up) telling you how amazing you are?

C: I’m only amazing when you look at me

A: bull shit

C: you’re my beautiful shoes.

A: your whar?

C: my beautiful shoes. They make me feel special.

A: you are special.

C: but I believe that when I’m wearing my beautiful shoes; when I’m looking at you.

A: couldn’t I be a more manly pair of shoes

C: like my running shoes?

A: well.....

C: what if I call you my doc martins?

A: you do not own a pair of doc martins.

C: I could.

A: someone who uses the phrase beautiful shoes, and uses it as much as you do would never own a pair of doctor martins.

C: whatever.