Archive - 2008

March

Lightening

A fog around my heart,

Swirling and drifting, clouding my thoughts.

Deep breaths and long pauses.

The wind strokes my face roughly;

The hand of god reminding me of his strength.

My eyes sting as the rain begins to fall.

Slowly my clothes become damp,

Weighed down by that which I cannot control.

I have forgotten what I know, mislaid my way.

My eyes have steamed up,

Condensation inside my head.

I spill.

Clouds passing overhead, but I change not.

The sky flashes with light

Illuminating for seconds what years have left dark.

I look in the mirror to find nothing.

The robin,

He hops away, I no longer exist.

April 

From the one I love

Bodies on the ground.

Beaten, swollen, broken bodies.

Vacant eyes stare in at a room filled with tears.

Blood stains the innocent cheeks where roses would once blush.

This carnage is for me, I wished it from the one I love.

Physical love displayed in physical pain.

Every cry of despair whispers affection in my ear,

Each drop of blood declares unconditioned devotion.

And now you turn to me for proof,

Evidence that my breast beats for you only.

What can I give to you but my body?

You have my mind, have always had my soul

– no matter how damned.

I can give you what I am: my skin, my hair, my eyelashes.

Take my nails and fingerprints,

Remove my pores and each freckle you counted on the small of my back.

Capture my breath as a memorial to our life.

Trace your blade across my shivering flesh,

Branding me in red and white.

I am marked, burned, bitten by your heart.

These scars are the words you whispered into my pillow,

Like our love they will never be gone

Just fade into the bland pale of my skin.

Be Still

Stand still, find the spot.

Clouds pass over my head but I move not.

Walking a path my mother would be proud of

My journey to the beginning begins again.

Ahead there is nothing, behind me I leave my regards.

How long to the end, the finish?

Please don’t touch me, don’t push me.

Stop,

Don’t move, but be still.

May 

Don’t ask, I won’t tell

Don’t ask me I can’t tell you, can’t lie to you

Can’t look at you looking at me, waiting for the truth.

Don’t lie to me and tell me it will be ok

Don’t pretend you want to know

and then turn away holding your breath.

You are everything and I have nothing

I am nothing, less even,

but if you don’t ask me I won’t have to lie or cry

And hope that life will be ok.

Maybe if you helped me:

Stroked my hair and kissed my forehead

Held my hand a little bit longer, a little bit tighter.

If I close my eyes while you blow on my skin

Maybe I’ll be able to breathe again and it will be ok

And you will want to know and not turn your head.

If I get through tomorrow then today might be ok.

I will walk slowly around in circles and hear you laughing

Because I look so silly walking slowly around in circles

Waiting for something to happen

Waiting for nothing, waiting for “it”

But “it” never comes 
and I never smile. You stop laughing and I lose your hand.

It slips through my fingers and I struggle to breathe,

To move, to scream, to shout

And have you not come.

June

I dance

I dance, like a god,

I dance in fair Verona where we lay our scene.

I am the only person there,

I and my other.

My mind is possessed, racing

with the passing beat of the speakers

I dance.

Before me is she, Yan,

Whom I have failed as Yin.

Her body pulsates with the heart of many.

Her smile spreads across my face as her eyes blind me:

Me and a thousand others.

We are two people both alike in dignity,

Alike in difference, in different to the like.

August

Cambridge

Friends dear to my heart meet in a city dear to my soul

Sweet pollen perfumed air tickles my senses.

Buildings smile at me with forgotten memories

Cracks in the cobbles, once familiar

now catch out my heels scolding their absence.

I find the river still giggling at her own joke:

The mischief of my ancestors, and that of those to come.

Stroking her stony bed I bow,

Humbled by arched frames dissecting my path.

When we shall meet again I cannot say

But as I drink in my last breath of the place I adore as home

I know that it will never be far from my mind.