Thursday, 28 July 2011

10, 9, 8, 7, 6.......

Deep breaths calm me as the strip lighting burns my skin.
Warm air is passed across my body but my feet are cold
And full of doubt.
Eyes look down at me, smiling through masks
Repeating questions - already knowing the answers.
The faint smell of fear shrouded by disinfectant and germs
Tickles at my throat threatening a cough.
A rush of senses sweeps across my chest
- then black.

I'm drunk, I'm confused.
Arms restrict my hands as they check for my face.
Wheels turn and the ceiling moves,
Strip light after light.
It is done. I exhale.
Tears follow relief, follows more questions
- then pain.
Being home

I know the answer to the first question - nowhere
When will I - never.
Got to make do and do what I can
Be better, feel better, look better.
Looks matter more now.
All I have is that look in the mirror
- it smiled in the states,
A state of mind?
A state of madness and love and connection
But the connection's lost,
Even my Internet won't click.
Exchange is fleeting
Signal is weak.
Buses pass me by -
No one will take me where I need to go....
Who will?